Like the Friendly Giant, the Five Hundred's out-and-out performance won't scare the kids either. Keep in mind that only hardcore Swedephiles would consider the donor Volvo S80 a "sports sedan", so it's no surprise the giant Ford's performance can be considered "non-threatening".

2005 Ford Five Hundred AWD SEL (photo: John Leblanc, straight-six.com)

Similar to the Volvo, the ride and handling experience is weighted to the ride side. Using the same 203 horsepower, 207 pound-feet of torque 3.0-litre vee-six that's been used by various Fords for years as the exclusive powerplant to haul around the Five Hundred's 1,730 kilograms doesn't help on the excitement front either. If you think the Yamaha-designed vee-eight that Volvo just dropped into their XC90 SUV--that also happens to share the same chassis--would make a nice drivetrain option, start your letter campaign to Ford today.

For today's growing families moving away from a full-size pickup or SUV, Ford's super-sized sedan makes a lot of sense. Inside, the Five Hundred is

2005 Ford Five Hundred AWD SEL (photo: John Leblanc, straight-six.com)

large-German-sedan-roomy, and it looks and feels upscale. Available AWD, a feature that can't be had on a Buick LeSabre ($34,710), will reduce the sweat on some driver's palms, and the Volvo chassis means that not only is the car safe, but that it goes down the road in a competent fashion.

Although the Five Hundred's straight-line performance can't compete with HEMI-powered 300s, the CVT squeezes as much performance and economy that's left in the ol' Duratec V-6. I don't remember the Friendly Giant being a big fan of brake-stands, so let's keep the Five Hundred's mission in life in perspective, okay kids?

- John LeBlanc is an Ottawa-based automotive critic and publisher of www.straight-six.com